You never got caught.

How many different ways are there to say, "I'm sorry"?
I'm sure I could use about fifty of those ways right now. Messing up and letting go never seems as bad from where I stand. But I guess they say that the grass is always greener on the other side.
I'm sorry for hurting you or letting you down. I'm sorry for not being who you wanted me to be. I'm sorry for not having the courage to change for the better. I'm sorry I'm stuck as who I am.

I'm sorry for not living life to its fullest, and for letting all of the open doors go to waste.

This was over before it ever began.

Day in, day out. The pattern, the routine never changes.
I'm not who you recall anymore, but a mere shell of who I was a year ago.
Maybe this is just an in between phase, in a sense. A spring cleaning of personalities, clearing out the clutter in anticipation of a new me waiting to be formed.
I almost wish I had a way to explain all of this, explain the moods I've been feeling.

I'm always wishing on a star to be a better person. Maybe this is just a sign for me to take the chance and make it happen. You don't become a better person over night.
Day in, day out. I am making this change.

Did you take off while I was gone?

Some days it is hard to breathe with you in and on my mind all the time.
I can feel it in my bones, I need all the help I can get to break from you.
Like a black cloud hanging above my head, my parade has been rained on for the past few months.
This is all a classic build up for a well deserved, "I'm sorry," from me to all of you.
Home has never looked so far away from this rut I am stuck in.

What do you want to see? Where do you want to go?

Sun kissed and ready,
I'm packed and I'm holding out for you.

What will it take to sing me to sleep?
What will it take for you to mean something to me?
When are you going to let me in?
I will never win.
I will never give in.

When will you see, you are the other half of me.
We are nothing and everything at all.

I'm not listening when you say goodbye.

This just in: I am breakable.
I have a heart and I know when I feel a footprint on it. News to you I'm sure, but now I know you don't care. You bring the taste of salt to my mouth.
Did I screw up somewhere?
Where were my words wrong?
What do I need to do to get you to care?




Shuddering breaths and sticky cheeks, I hope I don't see your face for weeks.
You were my smile, you were my soul.
I'll be gone next time you're home.

There goes my life.

Stay stronger than I have been in the past,
Write you letters for each day that I am gone,
we both know it won't last.

Hello, you were my life, you were my life.
Promise to make it work,
Promise to make it back.
You were my life, you were my life.

Hurts to know that this was never real.
I believe in what I feel.

We're fading out.

I've grown up and you grew past me. We slipped through each others' fingers.
I promise you that I'm doing fine, I wish you the best as you continue to grow. And it hurts to know you never quite thought as much of me as I did of you. But I guess that's the beauty of being let down, finding out that just because something was beautiful through blurred vision, doesn't mean that it will always stay that way when your vision clears.
I'll be the first to confess that I'll miss you, that I have missed you. In a sense you've been gone for a while, in a sense it really just hit me how far gone that you are.
We'll both grow older, we'll both have many more experiences. I can honestly say my time with you was thrilling. To meet my best friends because of you. To know that for once in my life I was really part of something for a moment. I guess that's where I got too caught up in the good to see what was really going on with you. Maybe I just didn't want to see what had happened to you, all of you. There was a point that each of you made a conscious decision to let it go and give up hope before I did, before many of us did.
I'm sure this is easy to let happen, but I guess I had convinced myself that you were too special to me to let it happen. And that's when the growing up washed upon me. It was a breath of fresh air compared to the box I had been suffocating in. We had both moved on by that point.
I can't deny, you brought me the happiest times of my life. You'll always be credited with that. But it does pain me to think how much you've let yourselves go, how much you've let each other change. For the better or for the worse, it doesn't much matter because you're not the same people I fell in love with in 2005.
This was inevitable, as much as I would like to deny it. I know next time you're in town though, I'll come say goodbye to you. Though one of you has moved in a different direction than the others, I'd still like to say goodbye to you four, to close that chapter to an extent, though I'm not promising that it will stay closed. It's a fun chapter to look back upon. I just hope as the new you, you all can find that same special way to give to others exactly what you gave to me.